re: last post

Ergh, that was something I told myself I wouldn't do with this blog...anyway, apologies if any of you are reading this. But I'm going to continue as I need to work some stuff out and putting it out there into the ether and in digital type is cathartic.
Just feeling very insecure and not confident as of late. It happens everytime I get involved with a woman (which I'm not sure I am anymore...).
Full honesty that explains 99% of it all: I am adopted, as some of you know. I was also engaged at one point and that was a 5yr relationship. So, besides my adoptive mother (who is a saint btw), the 2 most prominent women in my life abandoned me with no explanation. Those are deep psychic scars to carry. And they affect every encounter I've ever subsequently had with women. I'm a walking vessel of rejection. I'm about to turn 38 and they's tough cookies to swallow.
It has to change, I know that, or else I'm doomed to be alone and isolated. It's a tough reality, but it is a reality. But reality is only perception